You are secondhand smoke

Happy Birthday

Gary!!!!

<3

"…Who’s to blame
if you never saw it coming
yet you heard the bullet humming
but you never thought of running…

Ryan's been in this situation before he hoped and prayed he would never 

have to be in this position again. None of the kids in newport know what its 

like to decide if someone lives or dies. None of them know 

what its like to be forced to hold somone at gun point and he hopes they 

never will.  he can remember that night like it was yestardy, every detail is 

permanetly embedded deep in his brain and so is the guilt.

-FlashBack--


it was midnight when ryan arrived home that night and when he walked in the 

door he wasnt surprised to see charlie there, another one of his mother's 

boyfriends. charlie was 6 foot 2 and weighed about twice as much as ryan 

did, charlie was a coke head and supplied his mom with the drug. they were 

always high when he came in from work it was nothing new, but he soon 

found out that this night was gonna be hell. when ryan came home from 

work that night he went straight to his room and laid down, he had just 

worked a twelve hour swift and the bed was calling his name. he quickly 

changed and laid down and just as he did he heard a knock at the door but 

that was nothing out of the ordinary either so he just rolled on over and 

preceded to sleep. but the yelling and scream that came after wasnt  so he 

jumped quickly out of bed and walked down the hall into the living room, 

where charlie had a gun pointed at a man that he recognized as matt a well 

know dealer. "charlie don't just..let em go" dawn had said quickly snaping 

out of her drug produced haze.but charlie wasnt listening he had his eyes 

trained on ryan. "shut the hell up..ryan boy come over here" ryan quickly 

agreed he knew now was no the time to argue. "search his pockets" charlie 

said while motioning over to matt with the gun, ryan searched but came up 

empty."you son of a bitch wheres my money" charlie demaned pulling the 

hammer back until it clicked." i dont have it man i swear" matt manged to 

studder out. "he says he doesnt have it just let him go" ryan said trying to 

convince charlie, but charlie twirled around around and pointed it at him "you 

shut the fuck up you little bitch" charlie said "I have a notion to just lay 

your ass out right here matt..nobody would notice your sorry ass was 

gone" ryan was litteraly shaking by now and wished he never got up out of 

bed. "charlie just let him go...it's not your choice when he dies" ryan 

whispered the last part out, but charlie heard him and a sick devilish laugh 

echoed through out the room."noo boyy your right its your decsion ..here 

take the gun" ryan was now aware of charlie handed him a gun while he had 

another .22 in his hand, ryans not really sure where it came from but he 

knows it there. "no" ryan says while taking a step back from the situation"get 

the fucking gun ry!!!!" charlie yelled and ryan knew showing weakness right 

now wasnt an option, ryan grabbed the gun he didnt like the way it felt in his 

hand hard and cold it felt like death. " good boy.. now shoot em" charlie 

said with a smirk on his face, ryan was in shock "what" ryan studdered out 

his emotions no longer hiding "you heard me boy do it now" charlie replied 

no pointing the gun at ryans head, ryan didnt know what to do but he slowly 

raised the gun so it was now trained on matt and clicked the hammer back 

while looking over to charlie who was nodding in agreement. ryan took a 

deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, his finger was now hovering over 

the trigger "do it" charlie whispered, ryan opened his eyes and look down at 

matt who had visable tears running down his cheeks. ryan closed his eyes 

once more and pulled the trigger waiting for the loud blast to sound but it 

never did the only thing you could hear was charlie's laugh through the 

room. "jesus christ did you really think i would let you go through with it" 

ryan now felt sick that he actually pulled the trigger that he went through with 

it he need to get to the bathroom. without thinking it through ryan dropped 

the gun and headed for the bathroom but the gun blast stopped him in his 

tracks, he turned around wide eyed and pale. "shit boy what"d you do" 

charlie said matt was now slumped over on the ground holding his shoulder 

which was covered in blood his face etched with pain "oh shit man im 
sorry 

i didnt mean too" ryan said while rushing over to him "call an ambulance" 

ryan said his eyes still trained on matt " fuck no boy i anit getting my ass 

arrested because of you" charlie replied picking the gun up and resumed 

his position in his chair and started flipping channels on the television like 

nothing ever happened. "shit" ryan whispered to hisself "matt come on 

stand up" ryan got matt into and upright position "put your arm around me " 
ryan told matt and matt did "my car's out fornt" matt told ryan and they 

walked out the door" ryan barely managed to get matt to the hospital before 

he passed out but once he got him there the doctor's said he was gonna 

be 

just fine and of course they asked him what happend ryan and matt made 

up a lie saying some guy he didnt know tried to rob him and when he didnt 

find any more on him, he shot him. never the less ryan didnt see matt 

anymore after that day and he was glad the guilt was still ever present and 

ryan didnt think he could handle seeing hime again knowing that it was his 

fault.  

--Flash-Back-Ends---

"ryan, ryan buddy snap out of it" ryan was recused from his thoughts by 

seth "huh" ryan said looking at seth confusion cleary present on his face. " 

you okay man you kind of spaced out for a while" seth replied slightly 

worried about ryan "yea man im fine" ryan ressured "okay well lukes 

gonna be fine and they still havent found donnie" seth said "they 

probably never will" ryan said "what are we gonna tell you parents" ryan 

asked suddenly aware that he didnt want to have to explain what happend 

tonight "ahh buddy you forgot im the master at being stealth.....

I wish I could say something
instead of sitting here numb.
I wish my mind, I wish my mind
was not such a loaded gun…”

Just Checkin 
:]]]]]