You are secondhand smoke

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:51:22 GMT

Heath ledger was found dead today at his apartment.

...

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 05:16:11 GMT

Happy Birthday

Gary!!!!

Loaded Gun

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 00:36:21 GMT

"…Who’s to blame
if you never saw it coming
yet you heard the bullet humming
but you never thought of running…

Ryan's been in this situation before he hoped and prayed he would never

have to be in this position again. None of the kids in newport know what its

like to decide if someone lives or dies. None of them know

what its like to be forced to hold somone at gun point and he hopes they

never will. he can remember that night like it was yestardy, every detail is

permanetly embedded deep in his brain and so is the guilt.

-FlashBack--

it was midnight when ryan arrived home that night and when he walked in the

door he wasnt surprised to see charlie there, another one of his mother's

boyfriends. charlie was 6 foot 2 and weighed about twice as much as ryan

did, charlie was a coke head and supplied his mom with the drug. they were

always high when he came in from work it was nothing new, but he soon

found out that this night was gonna be hell. when ryan came home from

work that night he went straight to his room and laid down, he had just

worked a twelve hour swift and the bed was calling his name. he quickly

changed and laid down and just as he did he heard a knock at the door but

that was nothing out of the ordinary either so he just rolled on over and

preceded to sleep. but the yelling and scream that came after wasnt so he

jumped quickly out of bed and walked down the hall into the living room,

where charlie had a gun pointed at a man that he recognized as matt a well

know dealer. "charlie don't just..let em go" dawn had said quickly snaping

out of her drug produced haze.but charlie wasnt listening he had his eyes

trained on ryan. "shut the hell up..ryan boy come over here" ryan quickly

agreed he knew now was no the time to argue. "search his pockets" charlie

said while motioning over to matt with the gun, ryan searched but came up

empty."you son of a bitch wheres my money" charlie demaned pulling the

hammer back until it clicked." i dont have it man i swear" matt manged to

studder out. "he says he doesnt have it just let him go" ryan said trying to

convince charlie, but charlie twirled around around and pointed it at him "you

shut the fuck up you little bitch" charlie said "I have a notion to just lay

your ass out right here matt..nobody would notice your sorry ass was

gone" ryan was litteraly shaking by now and wished he never got up out of

bed. "charlie just let him go...it's not your choice when he dies" ryan

whispered the last part out, but charlie heard him and a sick devilish laugh

echoed through out the room."noo boyy your right its your decsion ..here

take the gun" ryan was now aware of charlie handed him a gun while he had

another .22 in his hand, ryans not really sure where it came from but he

knows it there. "no" ryan says while taking a step back from the situation"get

the fucking gun ry!!!!" charlie yelled and ryan knew showing weakness right

now wasnt an option, ryan grabbed the gun he didnt like the way it felt in his

hand hard and cold it felt like death. " good boy.. now shoot em" charlie

said with a smirk on his face, ryan was in shock "what" ryan studdered out

his emotions no longer hiding "you heard me boy do it now" charlie replied

no pointing the gun at ryans head, ryan didnt know what to do but he slowly

raised the gun so it was now trained on matt and clicked the hammer back

while looking over to charlie who was nodding in agreement. ryan took a

deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, his finger was now hovering over

the trigger "do it" charlie whispered, ryan opened his eyes and look down at

matt who had visable tears running down his cheeks. ryan closed his eyes

once more and pulled the trigger waiting for the loud blast to sound but it

never did the only thing you could hear was charlie's laugh through the

room. "jesus christ did you really think i would let you go through with it"

ryan now felt sick that he actually pulled the trigger that he went through with

it he need to get to the bathroom. without thinking it through ryan dropped

the gun and headed for the bathroom but the gun blast stopped him in his

tracks, he turned around wide eyed and pale. "shit boy what"d you do"

charlie said matt was now slumped over on the ground holding his shoulder

which was covered in blood his face etched with pain "oh shit man im
sorry

i didnt mean too" ryan said while rushing over to him "call an ambulance"

ryan said his eyes still trained on matt " fuck no boy i anit getting my ass

arrested because of you" charlie replied picking the gun up and resumed

his position in his chair and started flipping channels on the television like

nothing ever happened. "shit" ryan whispered to hisself "matt come on

stand up" ryan got matt into and upright position "put your arm around me "
ryan told matt and matt did "my car's out fornt" matt told ryan and they

walked out the door" ryan barely managed to get matt to the hospital before

he passed out but once he got him there the doctor's said he was gonna

be

just fine and of course they asked him what happend ryan and matt made

up a lie saying some guy he didnt know tried to rob him and when he didnt

find any more on him, he shot him. never the less ryan didnt see matt

anymore after that day and he was glad the guilt was still ever present and

ryan didnt think he could handle seeing hime again knowing that it was his

fault.

--Flash-Back-Ends---

"ryan, ryan buddy snap out of it" ryan was recused from his thoughts by

seth "huh" ryan said looking at seth confusion cleary present on his face. "

you okay man you kind of spaced out for a while" seth replied slightly

worried about ryan "yea man im fine" ryan ressured "okay well lukes

gonna be fine and they still havent found donnie" seth said "they

probably never will" ryan said "what are we gonna tell you parents" ryan

asked suddenly aware that he didnt want to have to explain what happend

tonight "ahh buddy you forgot im the master at being stealth.....

I wish I could say something
instead of sitting here numb.
I wish my mind, I wish my mind
was not such a loaded gun…”

Mistakes (one-shot)

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 07:40:08 GMT

"…And you're in pieces
As your world becomes a rainstorm

kirsten knew it the first time she layed eyes on him

that there was something familiar about him. those eyes

those deep blue neverending eyes she just couldn't put

her finger on it. but now looking back she knows but

she doesnt wanna bring herself to believe it.

--flashback--

"mom i can't.. i can't do that " kirsten said trying to keep her words even and

steady even thought her tears ran freely down her face

"you can and you will ..do you hear me? ..look at me" katherine demanded she was not going to let her

daughter ruin her life. they could easily deal with this it was just a little speed bump as far as she was

concerned.

"me and jimmy can have this baby, we can..were in love" kirsten said looking up into her

mother's rage filled eyes trying to reason with her trying to convince her

"no your not you think you are but in a couple years you won't

even remember his name" katherine takes a seat beside her daughter on the bed

"you have a future sweetheart i won't let this ruin it so you go tomarrow and break up

with jimmy and ill pack your bags and tell your father were going on a trip to europe

nobody ever has to find out" katherine says while giving her daughter's hand a slight

squeeze and standing up "this is for the best" katherine whispers and she leaves the

room

--flashback ends--

kirsten wipes her eyes with the back of her hand

she can that remember like yestardy her and her mom didnt go to europe

instead they went to a small town in right outside of california and checked into

this house, she can't remember the name but she can remember that it was a

2 story white house surrounded by trees and there was alot of other young girls

just like her. her mom didn't stay with her the whole time, she rented a hotel room

nearby and stayed there, although sometimes she left for weeks at a time but she always came back

she couldn't go outside because her mom was scared someone would reconize her so all she did was wait,

wait for her baby to come, wait for her life to get better, wait for this whole nightmare to end and then it was time

it was time this was the first and last day she would ever see her son. she didnt remember

giving birth all she remember was holding him for a brief second until her mom pulled him away and shoved

papers in her hand and told her to sign and after that everything was a big huge blank.

"kirsten" she is pulled out of her thoughts by her father he was shocked when she told him

he couldnt believe it either "come on ryan is meeting us at the coffee shop" kirsten nods her

head and stands up, grabs her purse off the bed and walks over grabbing her fathers hand and

walking out the door. he actually broke down when she told him, he cried caleb nichol, hardass

of newport cried he kept repeating the same words over and over for at least a good hour..im sorry

sorry for not being there, sorry for treating ryan like he did, sorry for..for everything

walking down the stair she finally realizes how quiet it is and she know life will never be the same again, and she's glad

this but she knows it wont and suddenly she is so glad that she has people to support her through this

and she hopes she can find forgiveness cause she knows shes made mistakes.

"And if this is what it takes
just to lie in my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
And all the things I put you through…"

umm like..

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 18:53:12 GMT

Just Checkin
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